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Leading Myself with Love

Taking a deep breath, breathing in the cool, crisp air of the morning, I ask myself: What does my heart truly yearn for? To feel safe. To feel whole in who I am. To feel loved for being her. To receive the love I so freely have been giving to others. 


I continue walking along in the cool, crisp spring morning air, pondering, am I willing to go through the discomfort of growth to see this come to life? A deep breath. A commitment. Right here. Right now. 


Slowness remembers. Hurry forgets. The key to unlock my heart is to breathe and connect back to myself. To pause and allow myself to be there. What am I believing now? Is it the truth? A few more steps, the sun is poking through the tree line now as it rises for the day. I'm reminding myself of the version of me who flies high. Who is confident in who she is. Whose smile brings energy and light into a room. Whose spark plug brings connection and life to others. Whose compassion and care is felt through those that she doesn't even know. 


There is discomfort and feelings of anxiety bottling up in my stomach upon entering this place. Those feelings are moving up into my chest, and soon are in my throat. Here it is. Who do you think you are? How selfish of you. What about me and what I need? You can't possibly think that you're good enough, can you? As I take a few more steps, clouds roll in and a few raindrops begin to fall upon my face. I stop. I take in the air, and I tear up. I allow the tears to fall off my cheeks alongside the warm spring drops. 


The small shower stops almost as soon as it has started, and I feel a sense of release like I've never felt. Giving myself grace for past feelings of shame, guilt and anger. That I've fallen down, stumbled through the door and landed here. I'm slowly uncovering that original center and learning what it might feel like to live here. 


To give myself love, to receive love, to lead from this place. The sun is back out now, blue skies, and I move forward. 


Written by: Brooke Fitzgerald, Energy Builder with The Restoration Project.

Watch the accompanying Vlog on our YouTube channel.

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